So I've been doing a bit of thinking about this one layly (yes, that was on purpose). I've been in Utah nearly my whole life so I have a hard time determining a Utahan accent, but it definitely exists because I know I can go in and out of my native vernacular at will, therefore there are certain rules I am changing when I am not around the locals.
1. Oh my heck, that's too frickin stupid.
Yeah, we all do that one. I like to claim I'm not offended by profanity, but in reality I'd much rather use replacement words. Although anyone in the 49 other states would disagree with this, I feel like it sounds more proper and classy to use silly replacements. Effin' A.
2. Sallake Ciey
We hate the T. (Really, as you just read that you made a soft stop over the T sound and it sounded more like "heigh" in your head that "hate") If it isn't at the start of a word we're not going to use it. Taco? Tortilla? Tostada? (Apparently I have Chipol-eh on the mind right now.) Yeah, we'll hit those T's. Kihen? Brekfuss? Wadur? No way I'm ever going to pronounce those T's without thinking about it. I love Sallake, it's by the moununs and just south of where I grew up in Bouniful.
3. Famlee home evening
Does the word have a pesky redundant vowel in it? Well then, no need to say it if there's another one at the end. It's not like I need to see my reflection twice when I look in a mirr or do my labratory experiment over and over if I keep getting the same results. Oh look, my friend Stephnee just instant messaged me.
Hurry up and take one, I can't hold this pose forever. I used to not do this, but over the last few years I defintely have abandoned saying picture with those middle letters. Cameras take pitchers. This is why I use the word photo.
5. It's getting late, where's my pellow?
I do enjoy a nice glass of melk before I got bed. If someone asks me about this I instantly abandon the I=E thing and go for the a glass of milk and fluff my pillow, but if I'm not thinking about it, I'm as bad as anyone else.
6. The adversary.
I don't even think Mormons in Col-rado or Nev-a use this term. Luckily we have heavenly father to help us avoid this adversary (God and Satan for those of us not from Zion.)
7. Or eltse
Okay, so you know all those T's we get rid of? This is where they turn up. Brother Neltson from one of the wards eltsewhere in the stake was telling me about this just the other day (back in 2008.)
8. Eh... a pretty great state
This was a failed ad campaign Utah ran for a short period. Utah: a pretty, great state! Sounds like somewhere I'd want to visit! Sadly they forgot the comma. As you can imagine it was abandoned very quickly when this was pointed out.
9. Hey Brother
This obveesly stems from the pioneers and their seddling of our preddy gray state. Everyone was viewed as brothers and sisters and in their wards and still are. Heavenly Father would want it this way. Nachurrly (naturally) whenever you're around people you see in church settings eltsewhere, they still view you as Brother Alger.
10. and = n
To use my previous example, when was the last time you heard someone at church start their talk with "Brother and sisters..." NEVER! They say "Brothers n sisters" They have to say it that way or eltse it's going to rain cats n dogs. N I'm not making this up.
Have a gray friggin nigh brothers n sisters. Pray to your he'v'nly father that the adversary doesn' trouble you before you fall asleep on that pellow of yours and dream you're somewhere eltse.