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Friday, September 16, 2011

Why Utah State has the best fans.

So I've been bored tonight after getting home from Vernal. I was trolling the Utah vs. BYU board on ESPN.com and it really shocked me just how stupid the Utah and BYU fans were compared to the Utah State fans that I typically read posts of. Then I got to thinking about it, and it made sense. Here's why.

BYU and Utah geographically share about 2 million fans and separate themselves based mostly on their religious beliefs. If you are Mormon and your religion defines who you are, you like BYU. If you are not Mormon or you are and you treat religion like any other aspect of your life, you like the U of U. Utah State has about 100,000 fans, geographically. About half of these 100,000 people don't actually give a damn that there is a world renowned university in their valley. Utah State fans are all basically converts, myself included.

How does a Utah State fan become a convert? Well, easy. They decide they want to go to school near home, but away from home. The only real choice is Utah State, unless you want to go to Snow Senior High or SUU, and really, if you're going to go as far as Cedar City, just go out of state. Logan becomes home to about 3,500 new freshmen every year. Then out of some tradition or something their older roommates force them to go to sporting events and they're converted into fans, regardless of prior interest level in sports.

Basically what is learned here is that nearly all Utah State fans have some level of college education, and with a roughly 50% graduation rate many have a pretty high level of education. U of U fans are basically SLCC drop-outs, thugs, and a few students/alum. BYU fans are Mormons who got married after their mission and couldn't ever afford college, Mormons who moved here from another state, and a few students/alum.

Advantage? Utah State.

Next you have the stereotype. It's so easy to stereotype a BYU fan. There is probably no school in the country easier to stereotype except for maybe Yale or Hahvahd (yes, you have to say it like that). If you happen to have never been to Utah and need a stereotype of a BYU fan go try searching "zoobie" on urban dictionary or just think of a really plain and boring religious person and you got it. Utah fans are a little more difficult, but basically the stereotype that BYU fans give them is that they are stupid uneducated rebels. They throw beer on the quarterbacks family, they smoke at Cougar Stadium, they openly use harsh language and they all have tattoos. Basically they're regular people, but around BYU fans they become ass holes because, "it's funny." Utah State fans, as said before, are sort of a mix of people from all over the Spanish Fark to Narth Ogden area. You have boring molly mormons there, you have ass hole frat bros there, you also have a lot of people who just kinda don't fit in (that was me). It's an interesting mix.

Advantage? Utah State.

Finally you have this chip on the shoulder as a USU fan. Utah and BYU merchandise is everywhere. I see USU gear down here about once a month. Because of this, and the completely lack of love from local news stations, every Utah State alumni who lives down here has to let EVERYONE know that they are a USU alumni. I kid you not, there are more license plates with A's on them than Y's and U's combined. People get all religious and have to point out to the other 2 million people down here, "Hey, there is another D1 school in the state too, you know?" It's kinda cool. Then you get things like other Aggie fans complimenting your hat. No one says "nice hat" to a BYU or Utah fan down here.

Final advantage? Utah State (sort of.. sometimes I wish we weren't overlooked along the Wasatch Front.)

It's a united little club that not as many belong to as the two larger clubs, and then we don't have a million .. let's call them fans-by-association .. like the other two. I think anyone can see why this makes being a USU fan better than being a BYU, Utah or Weber (do they have fans?) fan.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The douchiest blog entry ever.

Let me preface this by saying that I'm mostly kidding and trying just to make you smile. Don't hate me if you actually listen to dubstep... actually no, if you listen to dubstep go ahead and hate me, I don't care. Really though, don't hate me. Even if you drive a lowered civic, have a flat brim hat and love rap-core you might still be a pretty cool person. Just a lot of your peers are not :-)

So.. my blog.. earlier today I was driving around in my WRX, wearing a collared shirt and listening to Nickelback. I realized that I had hit the pinnacle of douchiness and posted about it on my facebook. To this I got about 15 likes, seriously. Then I realized that maybe my friends do think I'm a douche. In all likelihood I probably am sometimes. I do make generalizations about basically everything and occasionally say something rude just because it makes me smile. So to this point I'm going to write a 0-10 scale of 20-something douche-baggery based on what you drive, what you're wearing and what you're listening to, which you can use to judge just how much of a douche you are. This will be a nice product of me being a douche based on how douchy I appeared earlier today based on my car/attire/music. My reasoning is circular. Who cares, I'm being a jerk. We begin at the bottom.

1. Ford Fusion, plain colored t-shirt, The Beatles
Pretty much as chill as a person can be. Not drawing any attention to themselves. Likes their standard sized car and listening to something that literally everyone likes.

2. small pickup truck, Carhartts, radio is off/country
So you're probably headed to work, that's cool. I don't really like country, but most people who listen to the stuff are pretty cool. However, because I dislike your music, I hope your radio is off. Blue-collar is the way to be though.

3. Focus/Corolla, graphic t-shirt, Oasis/Kansas
Just because you're a 3, don't think this is bad. The small fun sedan is a pretty normal car to be driving. Your graphic shirt is probably awesome and people like that. Your older rock that you're listening to is liked by mostly everyone, just not quite as widely as The Beatles.

Now most people in their 20's I would say fall pretty steadily between a 1-3. You could really switch up any of those numbers and it wouldn't matter. If your douche level is between a 1-3, pretty much everyone likes you. Up above here though is where you might start rubbing certain people the wrong way, but don't worry - up until about #7 you're still mostly a likable person, sometimes people just prefer you in small doses.

4. old jalopy, converse, Arcade Fire
Hipsters are actually pretty big douches when they have to prove to everyone just how much of a hipster they are. However you also have to take into account the large number of people who just kind of naturally act this way because they don't care. They drive an old car and wear old shoes because they don't need new ones and listen to Arcade Fire because other music is too angry. These people are cool. It's just the ones that try so hard that ruin it for them. However they typically drive a Prius.

5. Your parents old Lexus, Hollister, Bowling for Soup
The old Lexus probably should go higher, as anyone in their 20's driving their parents old luxury sedan is probably a huge brat, however being a brat is different than being a douche. Brats are generally just spoiled and jerks because they are stupid. Douches are jerks because it makes them happy to be. Anyway, good job on advertising a store from the mall and listening to music that you liked when you were 14. Now please grow up a little.

6. WRX/BMW 3-series, tight collared shirt, Nickelback
This is me, I fall right about here. I had to spend a few extra thousand dollars on having a turbo in my sedan for really no reason other than "it's cool." Then I wear a collared shirt so people go "Oh look at him. He dresses successfully and drives a successful car." when all I'm really feeling is "I need to compensate for how much of a failure I feel like I am." Then honestly I kind of like Nickelback, but everyone tells me they are douchy, so I'm just going to roll with it.

7. Camaro/Mustang, wife beater shirt, Whitesnake
The muscle car vs. sport compact was a tough one for me, but what it came down to was the accessory. Sure, wearing a collared shirt is bad, especially if it has a name brand on it like the Hollister seagull, but it really fades in comparison to the wife beater shirt. I mean really, how often do you ever meet someone wearing a wife beater who you just think, "Man, what a thoughtful and considerate person." I know for me it is far less than a person wearing a collared shirt. I mean c'mon, those are the same people who eat ketchup on their steak and well.. beat their wives. Douches.

8. Escalade with 20" rims, $200 sunglasses-at night, Ludacris
This is kind of like #6, but taken to a whole new level. First of all driving a $50,000 SUV that can't go offroad because the tires are so thin they won't flex kind of defeats the purpose of having an SUV in the first place, douche. Next what compelled you to spend $200 on glasses that are no different than a pair of $20 glasses? It's not the style because the imitation ones look great. You did it simply for the name brand, douche. Hardcore rap really isn't that douchy, but it kind of goes with the stereotype here.

9. lifted truck, flat brim cap, ICP
A flat brim cap with a sticker proving how badass you are does nothing except prove that you probably have anger issues, douche. I'm sure most of your anger issues stem from the fact that your rap-core is all angry and about breaking stuff. Then to show how truly bad ass you are, you take your already too large truck and have it lifted even higher so your headlights shine right down into the back window of any normal height car. I hope you tip over.

10. ricey Civic/Eclipse, bandana, dubstep/drum n bass
Dubstep is by far the douchiest thing you can possibly listen to. The music is basically an onomatopoeia for the listener as when you hear it coming from someones car all you hear is pounding bass sound of "douche-douche-douche." In fact I think that the lifted truck/flat brim cap combo alone is probably douchier than the lowered civic/bandana combo, but because I can't imagine someone in a lifted truck ever listening to dubstep, it gets bumped down to 9, because dubstep is just that douchey. Then on top of this the ricey civic is pretty douchy itself. You put a noisy exhaust on it so everyone can hear you coming from both your exhaust and your pounding subs. Then you lower it for on-street use, despite the fact that you never auto-x it and now you have to go through every street at an angle and slow down to 2mph because if you don't your ugly body kit will fall off.

Now sure sometimes you might be driving your Focus and listening to Nickelback while wearing a Hollister shirt. In this case you must take an average. You would fall at roughly a 4.7/10 on the douche scale. Today I was a solid 6. However had I put in some dubstep it would have bumped me up to a 7.3/10.

Now, rate yourself. Be honest. Don't hate me too much, I'm only speaking the (highly-exaggerated) truth.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Quarter Life Crisis

So I think I'm having a quarter life crisis. The circumstances are all about right. I just finished what was arguably the funnest phase of my life, college, and I'm moving into that I'm an adult phase somewhat against my will. Sure I still live at home, but I have a career and an adult car now. I go work in downtown Salt lake for a very good pay rate and drive a sedan. Sure the car might have a turbo and be faster than a new Camaro, but it's still a sedan.

I don't really know what to do at this point. I feel like all my young friends that I want to be around are still in Logan, because they are, then all my old married friends that I don't particularly like spending a great amount of time with are near, but we have nothing in common, besides a love of board and video games, and they can never go out anyway.

I suppose logically Utah dictates the next step in life for me is to get married and have a family. Then I can move to the suburbs and live a boring life with boring neighbors in eternal misery. But like, who do I marry? You don't just go to the marriage store and pick out what you want. That's a complicated process of which I really just don't know where to start.

Today the girl I'm dating, Kelley, called and asked if she could come over and I was like, sure! Let's go enjoy the last day of summer. For some reason Labor Day (or Memorial Day, I always forget what today is) just feels like the last day of summer to me. The weather was gloomy, it looked like Seattle on a good day, and we got sandwiches and went for a drive. After not really finding anywhere worth stopping to eat we kinda just stopped in front of some cows, because cows are awesome.

She started out asking me if I ever wanted to get married. I wasn't sure if she meant to her, or just in general, so I kinda just said yes. I want to get married. As addressed before that is probably the next major step I need to take in life. Then about 10 minutes later she was saying I wasn't emotionally committed enough to the relationship for her to keep interest. I was tempted to argue it with her. I feel that anyone who has given reasonable effort into knowing me would realize that I'm actually quite emotional. Hell, I write about how I'm feeling in a public blog. Imagine when you can get out of me if you ask the right questions and act interested in what I feel. Rather than argue this with her, I kept mostly quiet for a while just probing her thoughts. Then after a while it occurred to me that honestly what two of my best friends had been telling me was right. I shouldn't have been dating her. I was just doing it for the sake of dating someone. I hate when other people know me better than I know myself.

That's horrible of me. Kelley is a nice girl, beautiful in a very plain way, non-judgmental and usually entertaining enough, but just not really what I'm looking for in a long-term attachment in terms of excitement and ambition. I imagine she felt similar about me. I had no reason to try and end things hastily as honestly, I was happy for the most part. Having just moved home from college I'm rather bored and it was nice having someone to go out with and spend free time with and snuggle with when I needed affection, but that's nothing to base a relationship off of. It was dumb of me to try. Eventually I admitted most of this to her and we agreed that we should be just friends, which honestly I'm not even sold on that. I have friends. I don't need yet another ex-girlfriend to hang out with. I've got plenty of those. But given the opportunity I'd go say hello to her.

Afterward my old roommate told me that I should have cried out, "Why God, WHY?!" when she told me I wasn't emotional enough, and that was a funny mental image. Haha. I probably should have, would have made for a great story, but honestly after thinking about it critically for 30 minutes or so I realized there really was no reason to continue. I was basically just spending money on someone that I already knew would someday be someone else's wife... again. Though rational thinking isn't nearly as funny as screaming emotionally because I'm not emotional enough, haha. Anyway, long story made short the "girl I'm dating" is no longer the girl I'm dating (which is a good thing) so that makes the having a family part even more complicated.

So what does one do when they are done with their undergraduate degree, found a fantastic entry level job, and has no idea what to do next? I suppose I should just wait, but what am I waiting for? There is no need for me to save money for a house as to be honest, I love Salt Lake, but I don't see Salt Lake as being my permanent home. I can live with my mom as long as I need (or can stand to, we get along much better when we don't live together). I kind of just feel like my life is at a halt for a while until some opportunity presents itself since as of right now I don't even know where to begin looking for an opportunity, other than maybe graduate school, but it's too soon for that. I just had my undergraduate degree posted on my transcript about 10 days ago.

Sigh life, as soon as you start fooling me into thinking you're all perfectly laid out and simple I realize that things are not as they seem. You're like Aggie football, as soon as it looks like there is no way you can lose, you somehow manage to lose. I feel like I just have no control over the circumstances I am in since I don't know what I should even do next. It's.. frustrating. Almost as frustrating as helplessly watching the Aggies blow a 10 point lead, on the road, to the national champions.