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Sunday, March 13, 2011

Sex

First let me say that I talk a lot about sex, if it bothers you - please read it, I wrote it specifically for you!

Tonight, after a week in Layton, I came back to Logan. After watching Utah State beat Boise State for the WAC Championship I retired to my room where I read, chatted on facebook and ate a box of wheat thins. The whole night kind of put an exclamation point on a really dull week, but I did have a fun chat with a girl from high school about how lame our sex lives are. That was a much needed chat. I can't have that conversation with a guy, because it's just awkward, and most women in Utah refuse to discuss sex and don't have a sex life to talk about anyway, so it was nice.

I started our writing a blog about my spring break, but realized the most exciting thing that happened over the entire break was my married ex-girlfriend telling me how much she wished she had company but her husband was in Iran or something and how lonely it was having her house all to herself. Hint taken, you regret getting married and want some action attention ... pass. Certainly not blog-worthy. However the conversation I had with my high school friend got me thinking, why ... is it so difficult to have that conversation with anyone here? Hell, as a fairly attractive and outgoing 25 year old, why should I even have to have that conversation in the first place?

Why is that? Why is sex so wrong? It's actually quite an amazing and beautiful thing if you think about it, but people here think of it as dirty and carnal. It is a subject to be avoided. Honestly I feel uncomfortable bringing it up with a woman if we're one on one. I fear she'll judge me as a pervert, but I'm not, it's a pretty normal topic, but I can probably count on one hand the number of women I would feel comfortable having a sexual discussion with. To show just how much the subject is avoided here, let me share some fun examples of things I've been told, all by college aged people; I had a neighbor who thought that the reason her ceiling was shaking at 3am was because the people in the room above her were jumping on their bed, I was once informed by a girl that guys can't have orgasms (imagine my surprise when I learned this), I have had a girl ask me how to tell if she was turned on and one of my buddies once told me that 69 was a form of cuddling.

These are just not things that should be said by college aged people. It's not their faults though. I don't blame them at all for saying these uninformed things. It's the culture and how it instills into us that sex should never be talked about. It happens to me too, maybe not that extreme, but we all learn those things at some point. I just thought that typically it happens before college.

I remember a couple years ago I met this girl and she talked way too much about sex, I'd never met anyone like this before. At first I thought it was so weird, but refreshing. Then I kind of got used to it and found it interesting just how much she was intrigued by the subject. She wasn't embarrassed by it, she didn't find it to be an uncomfortable subject in any sense. Once I called her later at night she answered and I asked, "what're you up to?" and she responded with, "just masturbating, what about you?" as if it was a normal way to reply to the question. Now I will admit that even that is a little extreme for most, but it's just an example of how non-taboo sex can be to regular people. If I make a comment about masturbation to most of my friends here I'd get glared at and later they would discuss how inappropriate it was of me to talk about such a terrible sin. Hell, one time I saw a girl walk out of a PG13 movie because there was a scene where they discussed the topic of masturbation.

Now I'm not trying to say that abstinence isn't healthy, because it can be. Pretending sex doesn't exist, however, is not healthy. I think that the way a certain religion absolutely destroys peoples concepts of sex is all kinds of wrong. You can't even discuss sexuality around the majority of people here without someone being offended. Guess what, if you can't talk about it, then you're certainly never going to have fun doing it. Besides, experimentation is fun. How are you ever going to learn if you never discuss the subject? I know that for a while I went through a phase of dating really innocent women who had never done much, so I didn't really learn much, until I dated that woman I mentioned earlier. I feel like she completely opened my mind to what foreplay and sexuality could be and that before that I was a complete moron on the subject. Not even from just actions, as honestly our interaction with each other was fairly limited by distance, but conversations of just talking about what was good and what was bad really taught me a lot. It also taught me that it was okay to have that kind of a conversation as I really hadn't ever been able to before. Hopefully now I can comfortable enough with the subject to keep learning as there is always more to learn.

It's the same with any subject. Let's use the guitar for example. You can own a guitar and know that if you pluck the strings it makes noise. You can know that all you want, but it won't make you a guitar player. Once you take interest in learning the subject and are shown how to play a few chords and then try playing those chords yourself you start to get good. Then maybe someone new teaches you a few new chords, you get even better. Someone then teaches you how to fingerpick and your mind is blown away at this whole aspect that you never really knew existed that suddenly you can do. All it took was a little bit of learning and a little bit of experimenting and suddenly you can find your way around the guitar. Maybe you're still worlds away from being a professional guitarist, but you're certainly better than you were when you had a guitar sitting in the corner that you were ashamed to even talk about.

I just don't understand how something as natural as sexuality is so "wrong" and so looked down upon. Again, abstain from it until marriage if that's your thing - that's totally cool, but in general there are a lot of people that really need to grow up about the subject. If I see a nice car and comment on how it makes me hard or if you ask me my favorite way to kiss a girl and you get offended by my honest answer, you should probably consider going back to high school, or BYU.

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